


Say You Still Love Me

by onyxfyrefly



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bonding, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Immortal Tony Stark, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, M/M, Tony Stark Has Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-13 20:28:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13578354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onyxfyrefly/pseuds/onyxfyrefly
Summary: “What can I do? Tell me how to fix this.”“You cannot fix it. What is done is done.”





	Say You Still Love Me

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Eternity](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6444688) by [STARSdidathing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/STARSdidathing/pseuds/STARSdidathing). 



> I know I should be working on 'Fairytale' but I've stalled. I heard a song on the radio that prompted this. I know it's not very good but it wouldn't go away until I wrote it.
> 
> A huge thanks to STARSdidathing for being amazing and inspiring this with her fabulous story, Eternity. I could never hope to be as talented but hopefully you all will appreciate my effort.
> 
> As usual you know the drill, comment and kudos keep me sane.

Tony winced as another crash reverberated down the hall. In the entire 118 years that he had known Loki he had never seen the god so angry. The engineer's chest ached at Loki’s scream of rage. Part of him wanted to go to his lover, to attempt to comfort and to soothe his fury but Tony knew that his presence would not be welcomed. The reason? This entire mess was Tony’s fault.

The two had been hopping from realm to realm in an attempt to find something to quell their mutual boredom when the missive came. They were camped out in a glade on a realm that Tony didn’t bother learning the name of when a massive golden eagle appeared. He had reached for a gauntlet but Loki stopped him with a wave of his hand before slowly approaching the bird. The former prince had bowed regally before speaking words so ancient that even Tony’s All-Speak could not translate it. The eagle seemed to listen before screeching and disappearing in a rush of flames leaving a simple scroll in its wake. Loki had lifted the document with slightly trembling fingers and Tony noticed that everything had gone so quiet that he heard the crack of the wax seal crumbling beneath the mage’s fingers. After reading for a moment one of the brightest smiles Tony had ever seen, including on their wedding day, lit up Loki’s face. Before he could ask what was going on the sorcerer was grabbing Tony and dragging him inside of their tent while talking about dignitaries and events and a precious relic.

Tony was finally able to get Loki to slow down and explain what had him so worked up. The mage explained that the scroll was from a dignitary on a small planet whose name was mostly comprised of consonants and made an awkward jumble in Tony’s head when he thought about it too long. For ages Loki had attempted to get an audience with him but Loki’s “reputation” had tainted the dignitary’s opinion and his requests were constantly refused. In was only in the past few years when tales of the mage’s antics were fewer and further between as well as the news of his nuptials reached the dignitary did the man’s opinion begin to change. Finally he had accepted Loki’s request but had made it very clear that this was his one and only offer.

“But why can’t I go?” whined Tony. He knew he sounded like a petulant child but he didn’t care. He had been going to galas and gatherings for decades and could not get Loki to explain why this one was so different.

“I already explained, Anthony,” said Loki while attempting to choose what to wear to the gala. The event was to be formal and while the society was heavily influenced by its military armor was not deemed appropriate at formal affairs.

“No you didn’t. You only said that you had been waiting for this invitation for ages and that if I went along it would endanger your prospects of getting your hands on that antique thingy.”

Loki scoffed. “It’s not a ‘thingy’, it is a ancient spell book that I have had my eye on for quite sometime.” It was Tony’s turn to scoff. “Do not take this lightly, Anthony. Wars have been fought over this tome and hopefully with this meeting I will be granted permission to view it.”

“And steal it.”

A slight grin pulled at the trickster’s lips. “Borrow, Anthony. I only mean to borrow it.”

“Right. But that doesn’t explain why I can’t go with you. I’ve been traversing the social scene for years, there isn’t a dignitary in this galaxy, or in any galaxy for that matter, that I can’t charm.”

Loki sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He loved Anthony, he truly did, but sometimes the man was infuriating. It was during those times that Loki had discovered that the best way to get his point across was to, shockingly, tell the truth. So far he had bent the truth to his advantage and he knew once Anthony discovered the reason behind his secrecy he was going to be less than pleased.

“Fine, you infuriating mortal.”

“Immortal, babe.”

Loki didn’t deem the words worthy of a response. “The reason that you are not invited to-” 

“Gesundheit.”

“- is because of the rigidity of their society. If you thought Asgard’s beliefs were outdated then this realm would make Asgard in comparison seem like one of those Pride parades that you forced me to attend.”

A deep frown crossed Tony’s brow. “So I can’t go because you’re afraid that they’ll find out that we’re married? I _do_ know how to behave myself in public, you know. Do you think I’ll suddenly drop to my knees to blow you during dinner? That only happened once and from what I can remember you were not complaining.”

“You don’t understand. Imagine if Asgard and the midgardian era of Victorian England came together. That would perhaps cover a fraction of the etiquette expected within society. Women only wear dresses and their hair must be pinned up but not so high that their necks show. They must be covered at all times, only their faces are allowed to be seen even at home. Men are the same with the exception of laborers who keep their hands bare as a mark of their rank. Women are forbidden to be alone with any man who is not their husband and it is the same of men. Almost all marriages are arranged and those that are not are forced to go through a set of trials before gaining approval from the royals. Any type of alternate lifestyle is forbidden and is punishable by death. If they discovered that we are together we would be killed before we reached the front door of the palace.”

“So we take off our rings, if we’re wearing gloves no one would notice my tan lines. I can play the part as well as the next guy. If you need me to be pious and boring then so be it. Plus, if you are going to steal this book wouldn’t you like to have someone watching your back?”

Loki looked more and more uncomfortable with each passing second and Tony crowded close. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“I may have told him that my spouse was already indisposed so it would seem unwise to appear with you at my side. It would raise unwanted suspicion to arrive with a guest.”

Tony took a step closer, invading Loki’s personal space. “What else? I’ve known you long enough to tell when you’re lying.”

“I’m not lying.”

“You’re not telling the truth either!”

Finally it was too much and the mage snapped. “Because you will fail!”

Tony took a staggering step back, his hand on his chest as if he had been shot. “What?”

Loki took a deep breath to calm himself before continuing. “Anthony, you are my light and my love. I would do anything for you and I trust you with my life but this is too delicate a situation. Even the smallest slip up could mean death. The palace will be warded against outside magic so if something should happen I would not be able to teleport us to safety. Please, trust me and allow me to do this alone.”

“Trust you? Trust you?” Tony was so incensed that his vision was beginning to turn red at the edges. “You just said that you _don’t_ trust me not to fail then turn around and ask me to trust you? You have a hell of a lot of nerve spouting that nonsense, Loki.” The brunette dragged a hand through his already messy hair. “Go. Go to your fancy gala and have fun stealing your little book. Fuck if I care.”

The door was slamming behind Tony before Loki could react. The mage wanted to go after his husband but he knew Anthony. The engineer was too angry and too raw to reason with and Loki needed all of his wits about him in order to fulfill his plans.

~*~

Loki should have known that the night was going to go to hell the moment that he teleported away from Anthony.

The entire evening had been spent charming the Baron and his guests. Loki had arrived precisely on time clad in an outfit that was appropriate to both the society as well as the occasion. Dark green and gold robes, which were based on his ceremonial armor from Asgard, covered him from neck to ankle. The ornate weaving and knot work caught the eye without being too ostentatious or suggestive. His boots were a simple black and his gloves were of a green leather so dark that they were nearly black. A simple gold circlet adorned his head as a symbol of his status within the realms but it lacked any of the usual flair that usually accompanied his clothing. If Anthony would have seen him dressed in this fashion there was no way Loki would have made it on time. The thought of his spouse made his chest ache but Loki forced himself to push those feelings to the side for the meantime and focus on his plans.

As the hours wore on he had managed to engage the baron in a seemingly innocent discussion about the text that Loki sought when a slight commotion made both of them turn towards the front door. A stranger had arrived hours late to the gala and when Loki saw a familiar flash of red and gold his heart sank. Dressed in robes similar to Loki’s was Anthony. He had no idea how his husband had managed to secure an invitation. Yes, once Anthony had received the apple on their wedding day he discovered that he had magic but it was nowhere as sophisticated as Loki’s. Loki had attempted for decades to duplicate the baron’s seal but to no avail. Aside from the invitation the fact that Tony had managed to conjure a set of robes as well as teleport himself was impressive. Loki realized he was staring and quickly found a group to immerse himself in.

The baron had yet to return and Loki attempted to keep one ear on the conversation and another on any signs of trouble with Anthony. He was so worried about his husband that his concentration slipped and his magic immediately slipped out, rushing across the room to wrap itself protectively around the engineer. His magic sent back a pulse of _mine, safe, love_ that was subtle to anyone who was not a magic user. Unfortunately everyone in the room was gifted with magic and suddenly all eyes were on him.

He waited a beat before locking eyes with Anthony. “Run!”

Years of getting out of close calls with Thor and a well placed repulsor blast which brought a massive chunk of the ceiling down was the only thing that allowed them to escape with their lives. Once they arrived back at their home Loki had let out a wave of magic that sent everything in the vicinity, including Tony, tumbling before stalking off into the room dedicated to his magic.

Tony took his time getting changed, hoping that the sounds of violence would begin to dissipate. How could he have been so stupid? He had been hurt and angry by Loki’s words and wanted to prove the mage wrong, to show that he could have Loki’s back no matter the circumstance. He hadn’t taken into account Loki’s magic that tended to have a mind of its own especially if the sorcerer was distracted or worried. Tony felt terrible and even though it might cause him bodily harm he had to see if there was a way to fix this mess.

Surprisingly Loki’s door was not locked and Tony ducked when a flask exploded against the wall near his head. “You fool!” Loki snarled, his green eyes glowing with magic and rage. “Why couldn’t have you just listened and done as you were told for once in your life?”

“I wanted to help. Your plan sounded dangerous and I didn’t want you to be there on your own.”

Loki snorted. “I have handled much more dangerous and difficult missions in the past all without your assistance, Anthony. Robbing a baron is a simple task but now it is impossible.” He raked his hand though his hair and the strands sparked with residual magic. “Centuries, Anthony. I have appealed to this court for an audience with the baron for centuries. It has taken me more years than your mortal mind can comprehend and yet it took but a few moments for you to ruin that.” Tony didn’t reply and Loki began to pace, every now and then sending out a pulse of magic that caused a bottle to shatter or a book to explode. “I have been performing tasks more delicate than this since your world was in its infancy and one has to wonder how I survived all of those missions without the great Tony Stark watching my back.”

“Last time you went on a mission on your own you came back half dead with the Mad Titian on your tail.” Loki growled, actually growled like an angry jungle cat and Tony held up his hands in defense. “Okay, that was uncalled for.” He attempted to change tactics. “What was so special about this book anyway?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

Tony crossed his arms across his chest. “Try me.”

“Aside from being one of the most comprehensive grimoires in all of the nine realms it is also the only tome with a spell that would allow us to bond.”

“What?”

Suddenly all of the fight went out of Loki. His shoulders slumped as he hung his head, his hair falling limply around him. Instead of looking like the terrifying mage that he was he simply looked…tired. “When I was younger I sought out the text for various reasons but once I met you, once I fell in love with you I realized that it was essential if we were to form a bond.”

Tony’s head was spinning. “What are you talking about? We’re married, isn’t that enough?”

“For you it may be but for those with magic it is different. When two mages marry a bond forms between them, it forms an unbreakable link between the two that can be felt by all magic wielders. Since I am Jotun and your magic wasn’t released until after Idun’s apple it is all but impossible for us to create a bond. The baron’s spell book contains the rites which would allow those of different species to form bonds between them and now it is lost.”

The engineer took a tentative step forward. “Loki, I love you. Hell, I married you and gave up my life for you. Isn’t that enough?”

Loki shook his head. “It’s not the same. I would do anything for you, Anthony, and perhaps I’m being selfish for wanting this. I’ve asked you to give up so much but it’s never enough for me, is it? But every time that I look at you there is this ache, this missing piece inside of me that nothing can fill. My magic now feels hollow and empty, it’s craving to intertwine with yours but now that joining is impossible.”

"Bullshit, nothing is impossible. I've seen you literally bend the universe, surely you would be able to create this bond."

"I cannot, the rite is so complex that the slightest error would destroy us."

"I don't understand. Why do you need this bond?"

Loki was uncharacteristically quiet. "My silver tongue fails me. I cannot explain it aside from a visceral need that cannot be satisfied, a craving that cannot be sated." A self depreciating smile twisted his lips. “I had so looked forward to being able to show the cosmos that you were mine and that I am yours but I understand why you would not want that, it was arrogant for me to assume your desires.” He looked so sad, so defeated that Tony’s heart broke.

“What can I do? Tell me how to fix this.”

“You cannot fix it. What is done is done.” Loki tipped his head back in an attempt to keep his emotions at bay. He knew that if he looked at Anthony even once his composure would shatter and he was afraid of what he would do. “I’m sorry, Anthony, but I cannot be here right now.”

Before Tony could open his mouth Loki was gone leaving a mess and a heartsick engineer in his wake.

Tony leaned back against the wall and slowly sank to the floor, his head in his hands. How could he have been so arrogant? He had wanted to show Loki that he wouldn’t fail, that they could face any challenge together but it had blown up spectacularly in his face. He had never seen Loki look so despondent and his chest ached with the knowledge that none of this would have happened if he had just listened.

Even though he was exhausted, conjuring the items for the gala as well as the teleportation to the event had exhausted him but his mind was racing and he was suddenly full of nervous energy. One of the first spells he had learned was how to repair something, though he had quickly learned to leave some messes for his bots, and he decided to put those skills to the test. Deciding to save Loki’s spell books for tomorrow when he was more rested Tony began to straighten the room. It took hours and by the time he finished he was shaking and his muscles ached but most of the room had been put to rights.

The bedroom seemed cavernous and empty without his spouse and Tony hugged Loki’s pillow tightly, breathing in the familiar scent and pretending that the mage was sleeping next to him. The engineer thought that he would struggle to fall asleep but in moments he had drifted off. His dreams were violent and revolved around the idea of Loki leaving him and never coming back. He ignored the tears staining the pillow when he woke and his heart sank when JARVIS informed him that Loki had not returned.

The day seemed to drag on and on and Tony never realized how quiet the house was without the mage. Tony finished the repairs of Loki’s magic room and cleaned the entire house from top to bottom. If anyone saw him they would think he had been possessed, even JARVIS asked about his health but Tony ignored him and tackled a stubborn stain on the kitchen floor. Soon their home shone and Tony’s knees and back ached despite his enhanced form. 

“JARVIS, pull up the database and research interspecies bonding.”

“I started the search last evening prior to Mr. Laufeyson’s departure and so far have yielded no results.”

“Damn. Widen your search. If there is a library that you can hack into do it. Set up an algorithm to find something, _anything_ that pertains to the bonding ritual.”

“Yes, sir.”

~*~

After four days Tony was starting to get worried. Loki had the tendency to wander off and be gone for days on end but rarely did he do so without telling Tony or at least leaving a message for JARVIS. When they first starting traversing the cosmos Loki had fashioned a pair of pendants that they could use to signal each other if they were in trouble but so far there had been nothing but silence. On the one hand that eased Tony’s nerves but at the same time he wondered if Loki was so angry that he wouldn’t call for Tony’s help if he needed it. 

It was this thought that drove Tony from the house. He tipped his head towards the sky and hoped that his call would be answered. “Heimdall, I need a ride! I need to talk to Thor!” For a moment everything was silent and Tony thought his request was going to be ignored then the world exploded in color as he was dragged across the cosmos.

His landing was less than graceful and he gave the gatekeeper a rueful smile. “Is Thor around?”

“He is waiting for you.” With a salute Tony headed towards the palace. 

It had been many years since Tony last set foot in Asgard but not much had changed. He had donned the armor that had been modeled after Loki’s but in dark reds and golds which helped him blend in but heads still turned at his appearance. Thor was not in the throne room and Tony was led to a small side chamber. “Anthony!” The booming voice made him jump. “It has been far too long since we last crossed paths, what is the occasion?”

Thor clasped Tony’s arm in greeting and led him to a pair of overstuffed chairs. “It’s good to see you too. How’s the realm eternal?”

“Peaceful so far.” The blonde glanced around as though Loki was hiding in the shadows. “Did my brother accompany you?”

Despite his best efforts Tony couldn’t withhold his wince. “No. We had a little…um…spat the other day and I haven’t seen him since. I was actually wondering if he came here.”

Thor’s eyes narrowed. “This ‘spat’ as you call it, what was it about?”

It took all of Tony’s discipline not to squirm. He had forgotten how intimidating Thor could be when he put his mind to it. With a sigh he scrubbed a hand across his face and began to explain. Thor was silent throughout the entire tale and his face was unreadable. “I know I fucked up but I don’t understand the whole bonding thing. Loki said that he felt hollow without the bond but I don’t feel that at all. Can you help me out here?”

Thor sank back in his chair. “I remember Loki petitioning for an audience with the baron many years ago, I did not know that he was still interested in the tome.”

“Yeah, well, I destroyed his chances of ever getting his hands on it.”

Thor scratched his chin. “True, however there may be another way…”

Tony’s eyes lit up. “What? How?”

“I would have to call in several favors but I may be able to access the tome.”

“Seriously?”

“Possibly but know that I am not doing this for you, I am doing this for Loki.” Tony nodded. “Anthony, imagine if you were no longer able to invent. All of the tools and materials are available to you but you cannot touch anything and whenever you try it simply dissolves in front on you. How would that make you feel?”

“Awful. I don’t know what I would do if I wasn’t constantly challenged and given the opportunity to push myself. But I would find a way, I made an arc reactor in a cave I'm sure I would find a way."

"No, imagine if there truly was no other option. You may be bound, restrained, blinded you can choose the restriction but imagine as though the universe is spread in front of you but no matter how much you struggled you would not be able to touch it."

"I...I never thought about it that way. Why couldn't Loki just explain himself?"

“Despite his reputation as a silver tongued liar when he feels strongly about something he often struggles to find the correct words. Without this bond his magic is constantly reaching for something that it cannot obtain and he cannot stop it. I've never experienced anything like it but I've been told that it is like an ache that cannot be soothed and the longer that the unfulfilled bond remains the more painful it becomes. Your magic is young but eventually you would feel the longing as well." Thor leaned forward to catch Tony's eyes. "Anthony, when you reacted the way you did Loki assumed that you did not want to bond with him. I know my brother, he loves you and would gladly weather any type of pain for you but I fear that your rejection may have been too much."

Tony fell back against the chair. “Damn. I had no idea. If I would have known I would never…”

“Never have defied my brother in order to soothe your wounded ego?”

“Yeah…that.”

“I cannot guarantee that I will be able to procure this tome and due to my status as king I cannot be in anyway associated with the individuals in question. This could cause a war between the realms if the wrong parties hear about this. Understand?”

“Absolutely and whatever you need, name it. Tech, favors, someone to scrub the floors it doesn’t matter. I know I’m asking for the impossible here but you have no idea how much it would mean to me…to us." Tony chewed on his bottom lip nervously. "Do you know where he is?"

"No but I will have Heimdall search for him but you know as well as I do that if my brother does not want to be found it will be impossible to locate him." Thor's expression softened and he squeezed Tony's shoulder as he took his leave. "I know Loki. Even if he is hidden he is safe. He loves you too much to get himself killed without saying goodbye."

Thor's words did little to ease Tony's worry and he pleaded with the cosmos to keep his husband safe.

~*~

Another week passed without Loki and Tony was nearly beside himself. Heimdall confirmed that his spouse was safe but refused to give any information about his location. Tony attempted to work in the lab, tinkering with gadgets for Thor and upgrades to his armor but his heart wasn’t in it. 

Fifteen days after their fight Tony was called to Asgard. Thor’s face was hard to read and Tony’s heart leapt when a package wrapped in an oilskin was pressed into his hands. “Loki is in the garden.”

“Is this it?” Thor nodded. “How did you mange it?”

The thunderer gave him an innocent look. “I did nothing. When I woke this parcel was on my desk. I have no idea what it contains or how it arrived.”

Tony chuckled and held the book close. “You have no idea how much I owe you, just name your price and you’ll have it.”

He turned to leave but an iron grip on his shoulder stopped him. “This was your one moment of grace from me, Anthony. If you ever do something so foolish and so hurtful again you will do more than regret it.” The blonde’s expression darkened. “I was trained to extract information from prisoners starting at a very young age, you have no idea how creative I can be.”

The engineer swallowed hard and nodded. “Got it. Fuck up again and I’ll become your personal chew toy.”

“There’s that intellect at work. Now go to him, I’m not sure how long he will stay there.”

Tony hurried towards the gardens but paused before stepping outside. What if Loki didn’t want to see him? What if he teleported away the moment Tony appeared. Of course knowing Loki he probably sensed Tony the moment that he set foot in Asgard. Steeling himself with a deep breath, he pulled the tome close and walked into the garden.

Even from this distance Tony could tell that Loki was not well. His husband had the bad habit of forgetting to eat or sleep when he was upset. His hair was hanging limply around his face and though his head was bowed Tony knew the shadows playing across his face were far too deep.

“Hello, Anthony.”

The mage’s voice was rough and Tony took a tentative step forward. “Is it okay if I say something?” Loki nodded and Tony licked his lips nervously. “I know saying sorry is bullshit. I made a mistake, I made _the_ mistake and I can’t take it back. I let my ego do the talking and once again someone that I love got hurt. God, I’m no good at this.” He wandered around the garden, taking care to stay on the pathway as some of the plants had a mind of their own. “I had no idea why this bond was such a big deal to you but now I understand and I’m so sorry that I hurt you.” Tony crossed the garden and knelt in front of Loki. “I know I don’t deserve it but is there any way that you can forgive me?”

Loki was quiet for a long time and eventually his hand came to cover Tony’s where it rested on his knee. “Of course I forgive you. At first I thought it meant that you didn’t want to bond with me but Thor explained that you didn’t understand the importance of a bond to a mage. I should have stayed and explained perhaps we could have thought up a way circumvent our issue. I’m sorry for leaving the way that I did.”

"You have nothing to apologize for. I should be glad that you didn't turn me into a toad or something." Tony picked up Loki’s hand and pressed a kiss to the back of his hand. “I have a gift for you.”

“Anthony-“

“Hush. Trust me, you’ll like it.”

Loki took the package and his eyes widened when he saw the contents. “Anthony…how…?”

“I called in a favor from Thor. If he asks he has no idea how the book came to be in his possession but between you and me he pulled some astronomically massive strings to get this.”

Tears shone in Loki’s green eyes as he lifted his gaze. “Does this mean…?

Adjusting his position so he was kneeling, Tony took one of Loki’s hands in both of his own. “Loki, one hundred and thirteen years ago I asked you to marry me. Today I have a new question. Loki, will you bond with me?”

Something resembling a sob left Loki’s lips as he sank to the ground, his arms circling Tony tightly. “Of course, you fool, of course.”

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget that comments are life. It just takes a second and I promise that I don't bite...hard. ;-)


End file.
